Sometimes you should just stay out of the woods.

Lacking any other options after graduating college, Jeff reluctantly takes a job with his uncle’s logging business in the small town of Cayuga. He’s accompanied by his best friend Owen, the natural hero to Jeff’s inherent sidekick. Everything’s going fine until Jeff’s told to move his work crew into Sector G12.

Jeff doesn’t know anything about trees or the logging industry, but he can tell that something is very wrong with Sector G12. Strange circumstances and unnaturally bad luck thwart their efforts to move into the area, even as mysterious otherworldly strangers emerge from the woods and warn him to stay away. Perhaps most unnerving of all is the ragged, abnormally large black bunny with lime-green eyes watching him from the trees.

Before long, a woman nicknamed Coach rolls into town and claims she can solve Jeff’s problem, although her sanity is immediately called into question when she starts talking about fairies, elves, and pixies.

When Jeff’s unrequited crush Ivy gives credence to Coach’s story by claiming that elves in the woods are after her for nefarious purposes, he and Owen decide to accept Coach’s crazy plan for a quest into Sector G12. Their trek into the forest reveals unimaginable perils, as they discover that Sector G12 is home to all manner of creatures.

Jeff knew the logging industry was dangerous, but he assumed any blood or mayhem would be caused by an errant blade or falling tree, not by monsters in the woods. He was so very wrong.

What would be a better book to review on Easter than one that features a bunny so prominently on the cover? And not just any bunny. In this case we get a dark, mysterious bunny with some serious gravitas. If you come across it in the woods, my advice would be to avert your gaze and keep walking.

A battle of the wills ensued, as bunny and man stared one another down.

The combination of horror and humor is a genre I don’t seek out often, but D.S. Lalonde is making me wonder once more if perhaps I should. Having enjoyed their previous book, I picked up this one with high hopes, and it surpassed all my expectations.

The story starts off relatively slow, and we ease into the mediocre life of our protagonist, Jeff, who is a relatively unambitious individual coasting along in a middle-manager position at a logging corporation. He has no delusions that he has secured this role solely through nepotism, and his many attempts to chart out a better career trajectory have not been particularly fruitful. While the portrayal intentionally starts off lackadaisical, over the course of the events of the story, the authors do quite a wonderful job of making him relatable and interesting.

Being a sidekick was a full-time job, even when you couldn’t muster up complete commitment to a course of action.

Now back to the logging corporation, which is nothing out of the ordinary, other than the specific parts of the forest they are targeting. The dwellers of these woods are rightfully unhappy about their homes getting mowed down, and they express their discontent by introducing a series of hindrances that directly conflict with what Jeff’s superiors want him to accomplish. As the story progresses, we begin to realize that this particular sector hides something that is perhaps better left untouched.

The merriment was fleeting, chased away by a pensive scowl.

A solution emerges out of the blue in the form of a dubious “coach” who attempts to convince our select group of adventurers that the humanoid tree-dwellers walking among them are elves and pixies out of myths. Through complex runic enhancements, not only can these creatures supposedly be repelled, but there are also hidden treasures to be found in the woods that the elves are supposedly guarding.

Naturally, what follows is a fair amount of skepticism. And a lot of semi-serious “questing” to gather ingredients of questionable value for incantations that may or may not be hokum.

Treasure sounded good, but robbing from evil fairies sounded ill-fated. And stupid.

Over the course of these events, we get to see many creative manifestations of wrongness seeping out from various crevices of the plot, some subtly uncanny and bizarre, others downright hilarious. The nuanced style of prose does wonders for the theme of the book.

His face, though flawlessly attractive, had a default state of merry resignation, with a pinch of sorrow, leaving just enough room for a smidgen of what might be lunacy.

But once we cross the 80% threshold, the story sharply pivots into hardcore horror, and instead of chasing treasures, we find ourselves being chased by ancient creatures civilization has largely forgotten. The transition was absolutely delightful in its execution, and all the buildup wonderfully pays off. So if you find the initial part of the story less interesting due to its semi-comedic, unserious style of presentation, do not give up. Trust the process.

what business did he have meddling in the affairs of sexy pixies and meth-cooking elves? None.

Now, how does the bunny fit into all of this? Well… that is not my story to tell. Go read the book. Now.